Last Night And Befores

She was in my dreams last night, again. We got back together and we were inseparable this time. We couldn’t help but steal kisses and caresses even in public, as she stayed in my arms and I in hers.

A few minutes later we were off to a house with a room, off to continue in private, free from those stealing glances. Needless to say, she was in my mind when I woke up this morning, is God telling me something? Or is this the lack of colliding bodies? Or information buried in my subsconcious? Whatever it is, it definitely got my attention. Thinking about relationships in the morning makes it a slow morning, hindering every attempt to sleep. So I keep rolling on the bed, nonstop.

Somedays, I think a casual relationship will do me lots of good. Somedays, I worry about being vulnerable. Even though I pride myself to be an open book, peace of mind is something I enjoy having.

Like I told a friend yesterday, when you stay on the safe side for too long, you intuitively become scared of venturing into the unknown. I suppose that’s how I feel on some days, or maybe not. Maybe I haven’t found the one I want to commit to, well, I stay indoors most of the time. So that excuse might not live to its full potential.

For someone who enjoys staying indoors, everyone expects that the lockdown would have no effect on me. So I thought too until it began to feel like that world is collapsing around me, and my room sometimes feels smaller than it should.

Then it hit me - staying indoors voluntarily is different from staying indoors out of compulsion. I suddenly feel I can’t survive another week of lockdown. I’m overwhelmed by the need to leave Lagos, I mean, to escape from the craziness of Lagos. In other words, eko ti sun mi inserts crying emoji.